Eat THIS!
by Miranda Shadowind
Summary: Duo has been challenged to an Eat 'Til You Puke contest by the fattest kid in school. To the rest of the Gundam pilots and the school the winner seemes obvious, but is it really?


Eat THIS!  
Miranda Shadowind  
Author's Note: This episode takes place inside the school the Gundam boys attend, where Krysta has enrolled as a foreign exchange student.

Krysta slammed her locker door shut, slung her bookbag over one shoulder, and headed down the hallway. As she passed the cafeteria, loud mixed chantings and unsual smells from within made Krysta stop and press her face to the window. "Wha the bloody 'ell?!"

Inside the cafeteria, most of the tables had been pushed aside and a large crowd, mostly boys, had gathered around two central tables, one behind the other. The back table was piled high with food, or so she guessed. Two boys out of uniform were seated at opposite ends of the other table while a third stood on top of it between them.

Krysta slunk into the room quietly, climbed halfway onto a discarded table, and pulled out her mini-binoculars to get a closer look at the 'center ring' trio. She didn't recognize the boy on top of the table or the one on the right, who was extremely fat. The boy on the left however, she quickly identified by the familar long braid he was toying with out of apparent boredom: Duo Maxwell. The chanting of the surrounding masses was a little more intelligable now too. Their cries were either "Du-O! Du-O!" or "Kor-RAN! Kor-RAN!" (obviously the whale of a boy on the right)

Krysta shook her head and put away the binoculars, then climbed down off the table and pushed her way through the crowd. Toward the front she met up with Wufei and Trowa, two of the only people not chanting anything. Given their nature she wasn't surprised at their silence, but figured they would at least have some idea of what was going on.

"Wha's Mista Bloody Vacuum Mouth up to now?!" Krysta asked them, pointing to Duo, Koran, and the other boy up front. Trowa shrugged but Wufei just shook his head in disgust.

"A pointless eating contest between Maxwell and that hippopotamus excuse for a challenger over there," was Wufei's solemn reply.

"Go bloody figya...Buh why?"

"The two got into an arguement yesterday over who could eat more than the other and it grew into a challenge to see who could eat the most food, normal or otherwise, without vomiting."

Krysta smacked her forehead. "Blimey...Men are bloomin' pigs..." She gagged but quickly faced forward as the boy standing on top of the table blew a whistle. The chanting came to a temporary halt.

"Attention! The 'Eat 'Til You Puke' contest shall now commence!" he yelled out, then gestured to his right. "In this corner, the school's reigning chowhound champion _and_ favorite, Duo Maxwell!"

"See you in indigestion hell!" Duo proudly yelled, raising his knife into the air and pointing to Koran with it, his trademark grin of mischief upon his face. A deafening cheer rang out from the masses.

The announcer boy gestured to his left. "And in this corner, the challenger, Koran Allerson!" Koran belched, the room shook, and a mixture of boos and cheers followed.

"Ewwwww! Tha's bloody disgusting!" Krysta mumbled a little too loudly. She received several glares from the spectators in front of her, but they quickly faded as soon as they met the barrel of her sniper rifle. "Much betta..."

The first course, a stack of 4 pancakes drenched in green syrup, was served to each boy. The announcer was about to blow his whistle again to begin the match, but Duo and Koran had other ideas about how to run this shindig.

"Hey Blubber Butt!" Duo taunted. "Betcha choke on these rubber pancakes!" He managed to spear all four in one strike and quickly inhaled them with ease.

"Oh yeah?! Well I'll see your rubber pancakes and raise you a bowl of 5-week-old mousse!" Koran snapped back, wolfing down his pancakes while using his chubby hands instead of utensils. The announcer boy shrugged and jumped off the table so as not to get caught up in the inevitable feeding frenzy. Two bowls of reeking mousse were placed on the table, and the two boys immediately dug in. The chanting immediately resumed.

This sort of bet-raising thing went on for an hour or so, but neither Duo nor Koran showed any signs of being full or ready to spew. They left that to the spectators with weaker constitutions, who occasionally fled from the room looking green in the face. Wufei had been one of them.

"Bring more food!" cried Duo, looking back toward the now-empty rear table. "Damn!"

The announcer boy looked up from his barf bag to Duo and Koran, then at the audience nervously... "Ehm...Bring out the tie-breaker: The school's 'Mushroom Surprise'!"

Krysta and Trowa looked looked at each other, the former gaping. The chanting switched to a murmur of conversation. "Wha the bloody 'ell's in the blinkin' Mushroom Surprise?"

"No one knows, or for that matter wants to.." Trowa responded softly.

"I can believe tha.."

The room grew dead silent as three lunch ladys dressed in decontamination suits came in from the back kitchen, two of them carrying a large sealed vat. The two lunch ladies carrying the vat set it on the rear table, undid all the locks, and carefully opened it. Even more students fled from the cafeteria from the stench alone.

"Crikey! Tha stuff smells worse than 'eero's spandex afta 'e's pulled a bloomin' all-nighta!" Krysta commented, putting a clothespin over her nose and passing one to Trowa. He nodded and accepted it gratefully.

Mushroom Surprise was ladeled into two bowls, which were set in front of Duo and Koran, who just stared at them for a bit. Duo pulled his cap so that it was now backwards and Koran cracked his knuckles loudly. Tense, the remaining spectators looked around, thinking that a colony had crashed into the school.

Duo picked at his goop and stirred it around, but Koran dove right in and shoved a big spoonful in his mouth. He chewed it, attempted to swallow, but suddenly made a big gookie face, eyes and cheeks bulging. Everyone else gasped.

"'IT THE BLOOMIN' DECK 'E'S GONNA BLOW!" screamed Krysta.

She, Trowa, and the others scattered and dove for cover. Duo scrambled under the rear table just before Koran let fly with just about everything he'd eaten in the past hour and fell backwards to the floor, causing a miniature earthquake to rock the cafeteria.

Krysta was one of the first to peer up and assess the carnage. "Duo..? Be ye all right?"

A slight groan was heard, then a dark blue baseball cap, a wild set of chestnut brown bangs, and two cobalt blue eyes slowly rose from the rear center table. Duo finished staggering to his feet and a unanimous cheer rang out only to be silenced by the head lunch lady.

"Hold it! He still has to eat at least one bite of the Mushroom Surprise!" she bellowed. Most of the students, Krysta included, cried out in protest but Duo put his hand up and sat down at the rear table, unafraid.

"'e's bloomin' nuts!" yelled Krysta.

"The God of Death fears nothing and no one!" stated Duo as a fresh bowl of Mushroom Surprise was placed before him.

"I wouldn't exactly call tha 'Food of the Bloody Gods'..."

The room grew silent again. Duo picked up the bowl and raised it to his lips. "Over the teeth...over the gums...look out stomach, here it comes!" he muttered under his breath and started drinking the goopy concoction.

The tension was so thick you could slice it into a 10-serving cake, and it seemed like an eternity until Duo finally finished swallowing and put the bowl down. The wide-eyed spectators and lunch ladies waited for his reaction...

"Hey...not bad! Can I have seconds?" Duo asked, whiping his mouth. Everyone facefaulted and fell over.

The announcer boy rose, ran over, and held Duo's arm up. "The winner, and still champion, DUO!"

A chorus of cheers, "You da man!"s, and high-fives rang through the cafeteria. Koran was dragged out to the nurse's office by 7 teachers. As things died down, Duo, Krysta, and Trowa headed out the door into the hall.

"So, who's up for for ice cream?" Duo asked his comrades, switching his cap back to its regular position.

Krysta grimaced and put a hand to her stomach. "Duo, I dinnae want to eva 'ere the word 'food' again..."


End file.
